At first: I have no idea what you’ve been through so normally I wouldn’t have the right to judge what you want to do. But I think in this case, since you made this my problem, too, that “rule” is canceled.
If I honestly think about ways to kill yourself I realise there are too many risks. What if you jump in front of a train and the train only smashes your legs and you’d live on? The same with poison of some sort. What if it doesn’t work the way it should and you’re mentally disabled for the rest of your life? And if you want to jump from a high spot there is the possibility you change your mind when you’re falling, but then it’s too late. Except when you hit the ground but it wasn’t hard enough and you end up disabled. Oh yeah, and there is the “slit throat and cut arms open”. My Ex-boyfriend tried that. But when he was half dead he changed his mind and called the ambulance. Now he has to live with those gigantic scars he is ashamed of. Also he doesn’t feel a part of his face anymore. And I think there is also a high probability that you’d shoot yourself in the wrong angle and end up as a slobbery cripple your family has to take care of. There are probably many more ways but these are the ones that come to my mind…..
But now PLEASE READ THIS! I really think you shouldn’t do it. I mean, I don’t really know your situation but I’m 100% sure it WILL get better! There are people who love you and care about you a lot!! That was the reason why I didn’t kill myself in 2009. It was a few days before my father’s birthday and I realised that I would really fuck my family’s life up. I thought about how I would feel if my brother died. I thought about how I’d feel if a girl from my school commited suicide. I came to the solution that I’d feel guilty and totally like shit ‘cause I could have helped them!!! I don’t know if you heard from Anna Akana, but I think watching some videos of her may help you, too. Her sister commited suicide years ago and she still struggles with it. (PLEASE WATCH THIS!!!) (And maybe also watch this! ) I just want you to know what you’d do to all the people who know you. And it’s not even “just the family and friends”!! It’s every person you ever had contact with! Those friends from elementary school you haven’t seen in years, those people from school who think you’re kinda nice but didn’t have to courage to speak with you……
I hope I could change your mind.
And there is also that one last point. I wouldn’t want to live with this guilt that I tried my best to help you and it did nothing. I know who you are. And I always felt so happy when you wrote me things like “its true you make my day better <3" or "I’ve never seen a blog that I can relate to as much as yours <3" or "I’m sad but your blog (like always) made me feel a little better thanks :D <33”. I wouldn’t want to lose you.
“And I’m crazy. Like maybe you think I’m a little crazy, but I only ever let people see the tip of my crazy iceberg. Underneath this veneer of slightly crazy and socially inept, I’m a complete disaster.”—Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell. (via theraspberryspeaksup)